If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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