this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
