So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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