so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
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Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
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Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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