I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
