Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So squirting runs in the family.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
