My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
