i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
