I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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