Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
