drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize