that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
