Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
