she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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