my phone needs a breathalizer
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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