I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I want to fling myself into the sun
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize