hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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