We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
