Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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