my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
