During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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