and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
