Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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