And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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