Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
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Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
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Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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