It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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