please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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