I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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