Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
