When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
