if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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