I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
