One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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