you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize