I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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