it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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