sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
