Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
