dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
