So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
