She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
