Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
