if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
