Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.

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  (810): I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself. http://tfl.nu/iwxe
  Replies (65) Good night (1289) Bad night (4928) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity

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  (502): Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity http://tfl.nu/qinl
  Replies (67) Good night (11726) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.

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  (208): I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants. http://tfl.nu/k57a
  Replies (21) Good night (1163) Bad night (5132) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?

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  (608): Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother? http://tfl.nu/8hut
  Replies (8) Good night (3905) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.

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  (919): we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni. http://tfl.nu/1ccz
  Replies (3) Good night (3471) Bad night (1337) Order T-Shirt
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.

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  (228): Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer. http://tfl.nu/k59r
  Replies (6) Good night (3707) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.

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  (206): We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts. http://tfl.nu/k2p7
  Replies (18) Good night (6391) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.

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  (717): If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate. http://tfl.nu/gd7q
  Replies (13) Good night (2346) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.

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  (205): First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined. http://tfl.nu/ei07
  Replies (4) Good night (1371) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.

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  (516): I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears. http://tfl.nu/nh7v
  Replies (15) Good night (3586) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.

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  (719): Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs. http://tfl.nu/ixry
  Replies (3) Good night (1402) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.

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  (518): He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around. http://tfl.nu/trrm
  Replies (2) Good night (1316) Bad night (186) Order T-Shirt
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions

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  (787): antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions http://tfl.nu/y7o6
  Replies (4) Good night (584) Bad night (286) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  He said he wanted to "superfuck" me

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Does he wear a cape??

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  (812): He said he wanted to "superfuck" me (678): Does he wear a cape?? http://tfl.nu/0f5n
  Replies (4) Good night (1330) Bad night (189)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.

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  (207): We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often. http://tfl.nu/7mqp
  Replies (3) Good night (654) Bad night (189) Order T-Shirt

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