I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
