absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
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does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
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Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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