By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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