I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
