Where is the hickey?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
