I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
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his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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