i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
