now i know why i became what i already was.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
