just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
