And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
babies were throwing up all over the place
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
