Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
