id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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