I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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