i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
