I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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