You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
