tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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